Why?

The most common question that I am getting about this trip is “why are you going?”  It’s a reasonable question to ask, but I don’t really have an answer.  It’s not really a work trip, although it does seem to satisfy people when I mention that I am visiting some European research labs. But those visits are really more of a consequence of the trip and not the reason.  I’m going to be there anyway, so why not stop in and meet with some people?

So it’s not a work trip, and yet it’s so much more than just a vacation.  I am going to visit some very dear  friends in Sweden, Germany and Italy, but again, the trip is not really just to visit them, although I am REALLY looking forward to doing so.  This trip is just so hard to classify, not really for work, not really for vacation, not really to visit friends. 

I think in my mind this trip is more of an exploration.  Not an exploration of a country or a city, but an exploration of myself.  It’s an opportunity to get away from my normal everyday life and learn something about myself in the process.  It’s a time to reflect on who I am and what I want from the rest of my life. It’s a time to acknowledge what I have accomplished and consider what I hope to accomplish in the future.  I think your forties are an interesting time period, at this point most of us have set a direction in life and have spent years following this path, career, family, relationships… and our day to day life is so busy with the career, with the kids and with life in general that we rarely get the opportunity to slow down, catch our breath, take a look around and ask ourselves, what else do I want?  Is my life on the right track or do I need to make changes? Am I satisfied or am I missing something? What new challenges would I like to explore?  What can I learn from other cultures and other ways of approaching life?

 Now don’t get me wrong, I am satisfied in life. I have been truly blessed. I have a loving supporting husband whom I adore, and who didn’t bat an eyelid when I said I wanted to take our daughter and go to Europe for several months.  He is my best friend, my biggest supporter and the rock that supports me.  I have a terrific daughter from whom I learn so much.  I struggled to have her and it was all so worth it.  She opens my eyes to the world around me, showing me a different perspective on life.  I have a career that I enjoy, that I am good at, and that gives me the freedom to pursue my own interests, including this trip. 

I just think that all of us can benefit from periodic reflections on ourselves and by asking ourselves if we are doing our best, challenging ourselves, learning new things, and using our talents.    I think by opening my eyes wider to the world around me, and by removing the day to day commitments that crowd out the opportunity for reflection, this time of travel will provide an inner exploration as well as an outer exploration.

Additionally, I am really looking at this as a very precious opportunity to spend time with Katie, just the two of us, strengthening our relationship as she heads into the rocky seas of adolescence and young adulthood.  I feel that we have a strong bond already, and that perhaps this trip will draw us even closer together. I know that I am going to take a backseat in her life in the near future as her friends and her own interests take a bigger role, and I totally support that.  The separation from your parents is an important and necessary step of growth. She needs the freedom to set her own path, learn her own lessons and make her own mistakes.  But I want her to be able to do this from a position of strength, knowing that she has the support of her mother and father, that she has that stable bedrock of our relationship as she learns how to build strong relationships outside the family.

So the “why” of this trip is so much bigger than just the trip itself.  It’s the framework and the catalyst for an exploration of our world, its history and cultures, but also for an exploration of ourselves and our relationships.  It’s going to be a lot fun, but I expect there are going to be a lot of challenges along the way too, both physical and emotional.  But no matter what I am happy for the opportunity and look forward to challenge.